Final One

Here's the last cliche contest. The winner of this one gets the Final Big Huge Prize!

It was in medical school that the wannabe doctors were getting instruction on abdominal surgery. The instructor was giving directions to the students. He told them that to reach the intended area for the operation they would need to run their microscopic camera into the atrium, out through the ventricle, and then into the abdominal wall. This proves the old adage, "??? ??? ?? ? ???'? ??????? ?? ??????? ??? ?????".

Who can solve the last one?

Maybe Two More

One or two more for the contest. Here's the latest.

Sir Lancelot and Sir Galahad were travelling by sea to a distant land to fight dragons. Neither was aware that the other was on board. One evening while they were out on the sea, each decided to take a stroll on the deck. It was dark and the sea was calm. Sir Galahad and Sir Lancelot walked from opposite ends of the boat, and somewhere in the middle they brushed by each other, their armor clinking in the stillness of the night. A fellow traveller was heard to remark, "I just saw ??? ??????? ??????? ?? ??? ????."

Just think...we're almost finished with the contest you thought would never end!

As The Crow Flies

The answers to the last contest are: as the flies crow and as the cries flow. I think there will be only one or two more.
I will try to post some pictures of Dudley soon. Ally has requested some pictures of her dog, and I have taken a few of him recently. He had to have a steroid shot for a rash that he had, so I am blaming the steroids for his size. He is a little plus-sized.

A Double

Here's a double play for you.

A scientist spent many years teaching common houseflies to act like chickens. He finally perfected the process and now each morning he is awakened "?? ??? ????? ????".

If someone had quadruplets, and they were all hungry at once, you'd know - "?? ??? ????? ????".

Maybe this one is so far out that even Regi can't get it. It's the same cliche twisted two different ways. By the way, I am getting closer to the end of my ideas. I hear the cheers.

Answer

He was charged with "transporting gulls across an estate lion for immortal porpoises". I know, that was a little obtuse. I've got a few more cliches lined up and then we'll be finished with this nonsense.

With What Crime Was He Charged?

This one is not original. I think it was in Reader's Digest many years ago. I remember the punch line, but I will be supplying some of the extras through the story. It is not really a twist on a saying like most have been. It is more like a five-word pun. I don't think that it is one that can be solved, but maybe someone will surprise me. I hope so.

A wealthy man lived in a beautiful estate near the beach. He was rather eccentric, and he had four Atlantic porpoises in his large aquarium. A large lion was always tied at the front doors to his mansion. He had heard an old man say that a certain species of sea gull could be fed to porpoises, allowing them to live forever. Well, he loved his porpoises and set out to the beach to find sea gulls. He found the correct type and took them back home. When he arrived, he saw that his lion was sound asleep in front of the door. Not wanting to disturb him, he carefully climbed over the top of the sleeping beast and entered his home. There, he fed the gulls to his porpoises. Later that evening, he was arrested for the crime that he had committed. Do you know what crime it was?

I will supply some clues later if no one comes up with the answer. Remember, there are five puns used. I don't think that I would be able to solve it if I were trying from your end. I will wait for a few of you to reply, and then try to give a few hints.

Nightcrawlers

A little different...

It was Nightcrawler City and almost all the citizens were sleeping. It was dark and dank as usual. There was very little noise at this time of the night. Suddenly, the night stillness was broken by the sound of a milk jug clanging against the box on the porch of one of the citizens. The 'crawler who lived next door was an unpleasant fellow, and he was not at all happy at being awakened at this hour by a couple of delivery guys. He slithered to the door, opened it and made a gesture toward the delivery duo. The one looked at the other as if to say, "What did we do to deserve that?" The other nightcrawler looked at his buddy and said, "You know what they say, '??? ????? ???? ???? ??? ????' ."

Well, Ally thought it was funny when I tried it out on her. Ally is not allowed to answer this one if she is reading this blog. I will wait to see who is silly enough to figure this one out.

Cooking

The contest is back.

It was one of those cooking shows. "Never trust a skinny cook", they say. Ferdinando was a very large cook. One day on his cooking show, he was making clam chowder and chili. During a break in the filming, he was quite hungry. He went into his camper and ate fourteen bowls of chili and five bowls of clam chowder. When it was time to resume shooting, Ferd was nowhere to be found. When his producer found out what had happened, he told the rest of the crew what you already know, "??? ???? ????? ????? ??? ????".

We have had a few different people come up with the answers to the previous contests. Who will be first to solve this one? If you are new to the contest, you can look back at some previous posts to see how to solve.

Contest

This one is way out there. It's a little bit of Western, a little bad pronunciation/spelling, a little Nascar and all silly. Have at it.

Many years ago near a fort in Kansas, there was a little-known Indian tribe. The soldiers were friendly with the tribe and vice versa. Some days the soldiers would go to visit the tribe and engage in games with them. One of their favorite games to play was one in which the tribe would choose four of their nicest braves to run in a footrace against four of the soldiers. Since the Indians were so much faster than the soldiers, they had to start farther back than the soldiers. When the race was ready to begin, all the participants would line up on their respective starting lines. At this point the colonel who was the master of ceremonies would begin the race by allowing the Indians to start running from a point about ten yards behind the soldiers' starting line. As soon as the soldiers heard the braves start, they were allowed to leave their starting line. How did the colonel get the race started? By issuing the command, "??????, ????? ???? ?????????!"

I will wait to see who is far enough out there to post the correct answer. Thanks for reading and participating.

A Tale

Here's the latest in the contest. This one is a little different in that the answer is not from a saying. You'll figure it out, I'm sure.

In a little town not far away lived a very small kid named Jamie who had hair the color of a fire truck. His dad owned a 1957 Ford with a special seat on the front of the car. He only drove it in parades. Jamie was so excited when it came parade time because he got to ride in the special seat made just for him! Oh, come on, surely you have heard of the story of ?????? ???? ?????? ???.

Who is going to get the big prize this time? Only time will tell.

Jed

Well, here we go again. Be the first to post the correct well-known saying and be the contest winner!

Here's a story about a man named Jed, a poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed. He had a big old dog named Duke who was a hunting dog with a bad habit. He would take off on the trail of a critter, then lose the scent of it, but continue to take Jed on a hike, ending up with Jed lost and no game for Jed to shoot for food! Old Duke would hightail it for home and hide until Jed forgot about it. One time, however, Duke was so tired that he took a nap while Jed was still coming back from yet another trip where Duke took Jed on another wild goose chase. When Jed got home, he spotted the napping dog and snuck up behind him and scared the dog so badly that he jumped up and bit Jed on the hand. Granny, who lived with him said, "I told you, Jed, it's best to let ????? ???? ?????!"

Fill in the question marks with the correct letters and post the answer. You could be the winner of the second Cliche Contest.

First Contest Winner

We have a winner in the cliche contest. The previous post was the first in a series of made-up stories that use a well-known cliche or saying and twist or change the words slightly. Brent Lavy is the winner of the first round. He won by giving the correct answer, "A waist is a terrible thing to mind", which is a twist on the saying, "A mind is a terrible thing to waste". Congratulations, BJ, you get the big prize. A new story will be on the way soon.

Saturday was the fourth annual go-kart race at our house. We had a total of 13 participants signed up. Mechanical failures on our racing kart hampered the afternoon. Shaun King won the pole in qualifying with a lap of 14.50 seconds. With the problems with the racer, the race was shortened to two laps for each person and only eight people were able to race. Regi Baker won the Nathan's Hot Dogs 200 with a two-lap time of 32.57 seconds on a slightly different track configuration from the one used for qualifying. Regi won a pack of delicious Nathan's hot dogs for her efforts. She has won this race two years in a row, having won the Minute Maid Light Lemonade 10 last year.

The Marlin Shooting Competition was won this year by Mary White. There were 13 shooters in the contest . Mary had 28 points out of a possible 30. Jason Baker was the defending champion.

In a few days, a new story will be posted in the cliche contest. If you know the answer, be the first to post it and receive the big prize of being recognized as the winner!

First of a Few

This idea could turn out to be really silly. A while back, a radio DJ did something similar to this. I think that is where I got the idea. I will be taking a cliche or a well-known saying and then making up a story that will hopefully cause you, the reader, to be able to discover the cliche to which it refers. There is a twist, however. The actual cliche will have had words rearranged, or slightly changed, causing it to appear in a humorous light. Since I don't know how else to describe this silliness, I will just begin. The first person to post the correct answer shall receive the BIG PRIZE. The big prize will consist of being named the winner.

The young lady was not what anyone would call obese. Nevertheless, every day she acted like she was too fat to appear in public. She would cause herself a lot of grief because she was so afraid that she would become ugly. She was constantly worried that she would not be able to fit into her clothes. This caused her to be unable to enjoy her life, once again proving the adage, "A ????? is a ???????? thing to ????."

There you have it. Fill in the question marks with the right letters, post your answer by quoting the cliche in quotation marks exactly right and perhaps you could be the first Big Prize winner! Hopefully, it's not too difficult. Hopefully, it's not too easy.